On the writing front, things could still be better, but I’m actually trying. I wrote 400 words 2 nights ago, and over 1,000 last night. It seems like every time I sit down to write, I invent a new scene that I hadn’t planned on that drags the ending out a bit farther. That’s okay. I’m still almost finished! I think, unless more scenes come to me between now and then, that I have 2 1/2 chapters left to write, so maybe about 5,000 words? That will put this first draft at around 64000, which isn’t bad at all! I think that’s about the length SOULREADER’s first draft was (now 83000).
I think the main issue I’ve been having with sitting down to write is my frame of mind. I may have mentioned this in previous posts, but I haven’t been doing well mentally at all this year. I’ve gone to some pretty extremely dark places, but I’m trying to get out of that. It actually kind of works for the dark fantasy I’m writing, but when I’m at my lowest, I can’t even bring myself to open the laptop, much less my manuscript document. I look at the words I’ve written already and get overwhelmed with 1 of 2 emotions:
- this is really good. no way am I going to write anything this good to close out the book, so why bother?
- this is terrible. whatever I write today will be just as terrible, if not worse, so why bother?
Like I said, it’s getting better, but most of this summer was spent running away from writing because of those things. I’m finally coming back to a place where I’m excited about my writing, and I can almost feel things beginning to turn around. I think I’m ready to finally become a published author, something I’ve been seriously working on for years now. How long has it been since I first sat down to write SOULREADER. . . 3 years, I think. I wrote the majority of it in the back of the library at school, between classes. I loved that experience. It’s more difficult to carve out the time to write now, with all of my other responsibilities, but I realize now that I don’t want to give up.
That being said, I did not get chosen for PitchWars, which is unfortunate, but still okay. I didn’t receive feedback, either, which made me a little sad since I was asked for a full by one mentor, but I understand. They devote so much time to this as it is, and they have to prep their mentee for their edits. I don’t want to give up on SOULREADER, because I spent 2 years of my life on it, and it’s become a much better book than it started out as, but . . . I may have to shelve it soon. I’m going to get to at least 75 queries, possibly 100, before I do, but it may be what’s best for the manuscript (and my sanity). Besides, it’s not as though I’ve been very regular about sending queries lately, with all of my (limited) focus on drafting IN THE SHADOW OF THE NECROPOLIS.
I’m just excited about what the future has in store, and that hasn’t happened for me in a while. Not to sound morbid, but it’s true. I want to be a published author. I want to hold my printed book in my hands. That’s all I want. And I’m not going to stop until I get there.